The God of Do-Overs?

Today in church, our children's pastor preached a sermon titled "The God of Do-Overs". She used the example of getting back on track after something didn't go well or looking back on the last year and thinking it didn't quite go as expected.

While the meat of the sermon focused on putting God first in our lives, trusting that He has our best interest in mind and heart, and that He's not done with us yet (all fine and dandy), I couldn't help but feel a little disagreement with the sermon's title. When I think of a "do-over" I think of going back to before something happened and making different choices to yield a different outcome. Dictionary.com backs me up by defining "do-over" as "a chance to redo an action". Thankfully I don't feel that in 2012 my life held any events that I'd rather it didn't, but I can identify a few things from earlier years that could fall into the "not so awesome" category. However, I don't wish to do them over. They may have been hard, painful, and ugly but God took my sorrow and turned it to laughter. He took my weakness and gave me strength. God was able to deliver good out of each terrible thing that happened. Would I still have received those blessings if the icky things didn't happen? Would I understand joy and endurance if I had never felt despair and defeat?

As God's children, are we ever really off track? If God is truly not done with us yet, like Philippians 1:6 says, isn't it all just a part of the process? Maybe we don't need to get back on track or do over, we just need to keep going forward. We don't heal from pain so that we can forget our hard times. We heal so that we can become more whole, be more intimate with God.

The Acorn and the Tree

Tonight at Epic Life, Sean Lawrence spoke about patterns. Specifically, about breaking patterns. He emphasized the importance of noticing patterns and understanding why we do the things we do.

This topic reminded me of something that had been heavy on my heart and mind a while ago, but somehow was forgotten in the shuffle of life. Tonight was like an alarm on your cell phone reminding you where you're supposed to be in fifteen minutes. It was God saying, "Pay attention to this. This is important. Listen, and let this be processed."

Many of our patterns are learned. These include thought patterns, behavior patterns...They are not all negative, either - we can learn patterns of maintaining good dental hygiene or showing up on time for class. Many of our patterns come from the people we spend the most time surrounded by, the people who pour into us the most. The people we look up to.

We've all heard the saying, "The acorn didn't fall far from the tree." I had a new perspective on this cliche tonight. It is good that the acorn didn't fall too far from the tree. We don't want to lose the many wonderful, timeless, positive things that can be passed down to us by family or other close relationships. But it is also very important that the acorn does indeed fall. We can't continue old cycles. We must become the new creations that God set us apart to be when He created us. We have to shed what should be left in previous generations in order for a new generation to take root.

A Midsummer Storm

I planned on saving more money this summer. I planned on being at my current job for the next two years. I planned on being ready to move into a new place right about now.

Instead, I lived on a tight budget to pay the ridiculous student fees for a summer class (and accrued a good chunk of debt to my parents for the class’ tuition). I have no idea what my job situation will be in a month. Each day at the office I’m made more aware of the uncertainty rather than guided by helpful information. It’s hard to sign a lease without any potential roommates and the possibility of not having a job soon, so the prospect of moving back to my parents’ house in my hometown once again looms in the distance.

“Well, at least you just did this whole thing a couple months ago so you’re used to it!” someone chidingly encouraged me.

It’s true. My life in January was a less comfortable version of my life today. Circumstances are similar, but I learned how strong I was when I activated Christ’s power in me. I saw Him carry me through the storm, blessing me the whole way. That storm was full of downpour, lightning, and thunder…that’s why this one is just a mild sprinkle. The same questions have not weighed on my mind this time because they’ve already been answered.

Though I would say that my body is exhibiting some symptoms of stress, my spirit is still and peaceful. That’s why it’s good to go through life’s storms. Because there’s always a storm in the distance, and you’ll know how be more still the next time.

Beautiful Truth

I wrote this last Thursday, July 5th...

This morning I read Psalm 72. Here are some things about God in this text:

God wants rulers/leaders to be just and righteous.

God cares for the poor, oppressed, weak, and needy.

God helps us know how to treat people.

God is worthy of fear.

God does wonderful things

God is glorious and worthy of praise forever.

These are only some of the beautiful truths about you, God. You are so wonderful and worthy of praise. You are ever molding the hearts of your children and revealing yourself to us. It is only because of you that I have life. Every good thing in my life is from you and belongs to you, Lord. You are worthy of more praise than this. You are worthy! Your name brings me gladness because in you I find identity, peace, hope, friendship, romance, counseling, laughter, strength, and wisdom. I wake up knowing that each day is an opportunity to be with you. I go to sleep knowing that every moment to come is protected by you. You are my Everlasting Lord.

Thank You for Being.

Thank you for being in Guatemala.  Thank you for providing money for ministry there.  Thank you for changing the hearts of Guatemalans, drawing them close to you and for the ways they will experience Your Presence.
 Thank you for being in the Middle East.  Thank you for protecting the people there.  Thank you for peace.  Thank you for colorful, joyful lives, for smiles, for faith, and for friendship.
Thank you for being in Panama.  Thank you for being on Grandpa's land and in his house.  Thank you for blessing that place and the generations that will reside there in the future.
Thank you for already being in North Carolina.  Thank you for a job and a paycheck, a house, and friends.  Thank you for a new season.
Thank you for being in Santa Cruz.  Thank you for a place to live and a summer of pursuing passion.  Thank you for laughter, sunshine, dancing, and playing.  Thank you for confidence.
Thank you for being in Texas.  Thank you for peace and patience.  Thank you for guidance.  Thank you for discernment and wisdom.  Thank you for fulfillment.  Thank you for new experiences, and for cherished memories.
Thank you for being in Chico.  Thank you for new-found love.  Thank you for hope.  Thank you for understanding.  Thank you for grace to be experienced.  Thank you for identity.  Thank you for open arms.
Thank you for being in Sacramento.  Thank you for growth.  Thank you for victory.  Thank you for purpose.  Thank you for strength and power. Thank you for perseverance.  Thank you for trust.

Thankful Thursday

Part of devoting myself to prayer with an alert mind means opening my eyes to all I have to be thankful for.  When I pay attention I realize that God not only provides my needs, he provides my wants as well!

Things I've been thankful for in the past week:
1. A plane ticket to visit Kimmy Sue at the end of May!
2. A lunchtime visit with a friend
3. Great revelation/breakthrough from God
4. Encouragement from a beautiful sister in Christ
5. Thrifty's ice cream
6. Days spent at the park
7. Shady parking spots
8. Friends who take care of your phone when you leave it their house for 2 days
9. Baptisms!
10. Kayaking on the Consumnes River (upstream both ways :-/ )
11. Opportunities and opening doors
12. Psalm 57
13. Good conversations with good people
14. Delicious skillet potatoes and turkey sausage for under $2
15. A job for a friend
16. Soft pretzels
17. My parents
18. Morning-time prayers

When Opportunity Knocks!

You know that feeling you get when you're on the brink of something amazing?  That's me today!  God has recently been opening my eyes to how deeply passionate I am about certain things.  Dancing and writing are no longer simply things I like; it's becoming impossible not to devote time to them. I have always known I liked this stuff, but I'm now realizing that these passions were planted in my heart by God for specific reasons.  I don't know what those reasons are yet, but things are about to happen.  There are some really amazing opportunities just past the tips of my fingers.  Mark my words - this is going to be the summer of opening doors!

It's becoming more and more apparent that God delights in giving me the desires of my heart.  I line up my heart with His, He plants the desires, and then I get to watch them blossom as He fulfills them!

Date Day!

I remember my mother telling me about a relationship she had before she met my dad.  She dated this guy for a couple years, but after a while she found they were in a particular mundane routine.  She would get off work, go to his house, and they would just watch TV.  Blah.  She said to me, "At a certain point, I just realized that I didn't want to sit on the couch eating popcorn and watching TV for the rest of my life."

My time with God has become a little routine lately.  Also, I've just finished my third week at my new job.  When I was unemployed, I had so much time to just get up in the morning, make coffee, and spend as long as I wanted sitting at the kitchen table with God.  In the midst of adjusting to my new schedule, things have felt crazy and I found myself fitting God in whenever I found limited time to do so.  Last week I decided to set this Monday afternoon aside to just be with God.  Even though my to-do list has eighteen unfinished items on it (plus a few more floating in my head), I gave this afternoon to God.  Instead of fitting Him in, everything else is going to fit around Him for a change.  He's the center.  No plans, just open-ended time

It's been beautiful.  Perfect.  I can't imagine it being better.  This day has been full of worship, open-hearted communication, reassurance, and peace.  In order for God to respond to the many things on my mind, I had to give Him the time to speak.  As I made some big requests of my Lord, He took my vulnerability and changed it into confidence.

A Precious Purity

The last couple weeks God has been reminding me daily to see myself through the lens which he sees me.  Each time I have asked him what exactly that looks like, he gives me these two words.  They've become so important to me I have decided to post these definitions next to my mirror.  Words cannot describe how special I feel when I am affirmed by my Creator like this.  It makes me stand up straighter as I step into each day with a confidently established identity that comes from the Master of Restoration.  The more I talk to God about how he sees me, the more motivated I am to live up to the daughter He created me to be.

What does God see in you that you may overlook on your own?

God-sized Opportunity

Three years ago, I began studying American Sign Language (ASL) with the hopeful intent of becoming a certified interpreter.  I took classes, met with professors, researched programs.  I decided to pursue my bachelor's degree first, and then enter an interpreter preparation program (IPP).  So, two and a half years ago I moved to Sacramento to put this dream into motion.  All of the school work that I completed at Sac State was in preparation for interpreter training.  I have graduated from Sac State, and now I'm gathering the pieces of my IPP applications that are due in coming weeks.  If my paperwork is good, I will be invited to the programs' screening days where a panel of professors and Deaf community members will assess my ASL skill and decide whether to accept me into their programs or not.

If I get into an IPP, I will embark on two (plus) years of an amazing challenge.  The things I learn in that program will blow my mind!  It will be so fun and so hard, and I know that I won't be successful without Christ.  Or, I might not get into an IPP.  I don't know what that means for my life.  Will I find something else to do for a year and then re-apply next spring?  Will God uncover a completely different path and passion for me to follow?

I know that God-sized opportunity awaits me this year.  I have no clue what that opportunity will look like, but I am eager and excited to find out!  So for now I am stepping out in anticipation, praying with all of my self that I won't wander and miss the greatness that God has in store for me.

In Your Arms

My primary love language is physical touch.  I feel most loved when someone wraps their arms around me and squeezes me tight.  When I don't have a boyfriend, I don't get a lot of hugs like these.  There aren't many people in Sacramento with whom I have that wrap-me-up-in-a-bear-hug kind of relationship.

In December, I was so overwhelmed.  I told a friend about the heaviness and defeat I felt, and he prayed with me.  He said, "The Holy Spirit is telling me that he just wants you to dialogue with him.  Talk all this out.  Yell.  Cry.  Whatever.  Treat it like a conversation."  When I got home, I looked back in my journal to see that I had been praying what I thought I should be praying in that situation, not simply laying out the truths of my heartache.

I prayed differently the next day.  I let go.  My words were sad.  They spoke of pain, despair, doubt, and confusion.  Then I sat still and said, "Your turn, God."  In response, He showed me a picture.  I was so small, and he was huge.  I sat on his lap, and he wrapped his arms around me in an embrace that left not an inch of my body untouched.  It was warm, it was strong, and it was comfort like I have never known before.  This continued to happen each time I stilled myself in God's presence for the next couple weeks.

While driving yesterday I found myself craving that once again.  When was the last time I was given a GOOD hug?  Two hours later, I stood with a group of people in worship.  I sang out with abandon, and confidence.  And He was there.  God wrapped his arms around me, swaying with me and the music.  I don't have words to describe the experience.  I am awestruck to think of God in his great and beautiful majesty, coming to me, loving me in a way that is so meaningful and special to me.  It's beyond what I ever could have imagined.

Blessed

Blessed (adj.) - divinely or supremely favored; fortunate; blissfully happy or content

This adjective describes tonight.  Mustaches, glasses, hats, scarves, jackets, and masks made tonight unique, but it's something deeper that makes this group of women unique.  We are each unique from each other, a mix of many different personalities, backgrounds, dreams, and quirks.  Despite (or maybe partially because of) our differences, our hearts are connected.  We know each other.  We know the things each of us are striving toward.  We can encourage each other in ways other friends often can't.  The love in this group is strong, unending, and hopeful.

After they covered me in prayer and departed with hugs, I ate a snack, did a crossword puzzle, and came up with the words I was at a loss for earlier tonight:

To my Wednesday night girls,
You have blessed me.  My experience in Sacramento has been made worthwhile because of the relationships that you built in my living room(s), the stories you shared, the deep heart issues you poured out, the tears you cried, the hugs you've given, the prayers you've prayed, and the words you've spoken.  Thanks to each of you girls for being vulnerable and sharing with each other and me the love that the Christ gave you.  Thank you for appreciating each other, caring genuinely for one another, and living in community together.  Thank you for seeking God.

Hanging on the Vine

This morning I sat at the kitchen table, finally having the words to pray all the feelings that yesterday kept me "busily" hidden.  I prayed this:

It is sad to think that this could be my last night at Fusion and not even know for sure.  I wish this could have been more planned so I could spend time with certain people and everything.  To be honest, God, I don't really believe that I'll get a job this week.  I have no leads on jobs I've already applied for, and it's not likely that any I apply to this week will hire me by Friday.  God, I'm so eager for your answer!  It looks like nothing is working!!  What is the purpose of making me wait THIS long?!  (At this point I actually paused and hoped to hear God's voice audibly.)

I know that whatever God's plan is, it's worth waiting for.  The waiting is so, so, so hard right now.

In the Waiting

I haven't posted in a while, and I guess I could say there's been a lot going on.  A lot of nothing, it may seem.  I am (sometimes) patiently waiting for God to reveal what He wants me to do next.  Where I'm supposed to live, where I'm supposed to work, etc.  In the last month, the people in my life have made apparent their very specific hopes for what happens, which is why I found myself so touched by two things lately.

1) Yesterday, a friend prayed for me and my current "up-in-the-air" situation.  He didn't just pray for things to "work out".  He echoed the cries of my heart in his petition for endurance through uncertainty, for open eyes, and for God's glory whether that mean me staying in Sacramento or moving to Paradise.

2) These words from another friend: "No matter if you end up here or in Paradise, I hope you know what a champ you are.  And that you don't forget that you are capable and worth it.  Keep that drive you know you have - that is sometimes hard to muster up, but God gives us strength for each day and He sustains.  No place is succeeding or giving up.  Seeking the Lord's heart wherever you are is all it's about."

God is SO good.  He is good in Sacramento and He is good in Paradise.  I am no longer worried about giving up, letting people down, or planning.  I'm not thinking about what I want.  I don't even know what that is anymore.  I only know where God has me right now.  I will put my all into this place in this moment while I am here.