Blessed

Blessed (adj.) - divinely or supremely favored; fortunate; blissfully happy or content

This adjective describes tonight.  Mustaches, glasses, hats, scarves, jackets, and masks made tonight unique, but it's something deeper that makes this group of women unique.  We are each unique from each other, a mix of many different personalities, backgrounds, dreams, and quirks.  Despite (or maybe partially because of) our differences, our hearts are connected.  We know each other.  We know the things each of us are striving toward.  We can encourage each other in ways other friends often can't.  The love in this group is strong, unending, and hopeful.

After they covered me in prayer and departed with hugs, I ate a snack, did a crossword puzzle, and came up with the words I was at a loss for earlier tonight:

To my Wednesday night girls,
You have blessed me.  My experience in Sacramento has been made worthwhile because of the relationships that you built in my living room(s), the stories you shared, the deep heart issues you poured out, the tears you cried, the hugs you've given, the prayers you've prayed, and the words you've spoken.  Thanks to each of you girls for being vulnerable and sharing with each other and me the love that the Christ gave you.  Thank you for appreciating each other, caring genuinely for one another, and living in community together.  Thank you for seeking God.

Hanging on the Vine

This morning I sat at the kitchen table, finally having the words to pray all the feelings that yesterday kept me "busily" hidden.  I prayed this:

It is sad to think that this could be my last night at Fusion and not even know for sure.  I wish this could have been more planned so I could spend time with certain people and everything.  To be honest, God, I don't really believe that I'll get a job this week.  I have no leads on jobs I've already applied for, and it's not likely that any I apply to this week will hire me by Friday.  God, I'm so eager for your answer!  It looks like nothing is working!!  What is the purpose of making me wait THIS long?!  (At this point I actually paused and hoped to hear God's voice audibly.)

I know that whatever God's plan is, it's worth waiting for.  The waiting is so, so, so hard right now.

In the Waiting

I haven't posted in a while, and I guess I could say there's been a lot going on.  A lot of nothing, it may seem.  I am (sometimes) patiently waiting for God to reveal what He wants me to do next.  Where I'm supposed to live, where I'm supposed to work, etc.  In the last month, the people in my life have made apparent their very specific hopes for what happens, which is why I found myself so touched by two things lately.

1) Yesterday, a friend prayed for me and my current "up-in-the-air" situation.  He didn't just pray for things to "work out".  He echoed the cries of my heart in his petition for endurance through uncertainty, for open eyes, and for God's glory whether that mean me staying in Sacramento or moving to Paradise.

2) These words from another friend: "No matter if you end up here or in Paradise, I hope you know what a champ you are.  And that you don't forget that you are capable and worth it.  Keep that drive you know you have - that is sometimes hard to muster up, but God gives us strength for each day and He sustains.  No place is succeeding or giving up.  Seeking the Lord's heart wherever you are is all it's about."

God is SO good.  He is good in Sacramento and He is good in Paradise.  I am no longer worried about giving up, letting people down, or planning.  I'm not thinking about what I want.  I don't even know what that is anymore.  I only know where God has me right now.  I will put my all into this place in this moment while I am here.