Perfectly Picked

I've cried many tears this week.  Tears over my loss of motivation, tears over friends I miss, tears over uncertainty, and just plain tears.  But tonight I cry tears of tender thankfulness, astonishment at what I have been given.

I wish you knew my parents.  They're perfect.  Of course, they're not really PERFECT, but like I said yesterday, "The more I grow up, the more I believe and see that God specifically picked my parents to have me and me to be their daughter."  The more I get to know them, the better we fit together.  They take better care of me than I can justly describe.  Every time I think I know how much they love me, I realize that I've barely sipped of the fountain from which they endlessly give.  I see their love for me on their faces, I hear it in their words, I feel it in their hugs, and I read it in the encouraging emails they send me almost every day.

Immense in Love

Psalm 86:15 - "But you, O God, are both tender and kind, not easily angered, immense in love, and never, never quit."

I have seen God's unfailing, ever-faithful, immense love in the people around me recently.  I've received encouragement and support from everyone in my life, and this has meant so much to me.  I've appreciated every text, every note, every prayer, every hug, every moment of shared laughter.  All of this is God providing for me through his children who are abiding in him.  He teaches them how to love, and they show his love to me.  Thanks for helping to hold me together, family.

"Love will hold us together, make us a shelter to weather the storm.  And I'll be my brother's keeper so the whole world will know that we're not alone." - Matt Maher

Fallen Leaves

This weekend in my hometown, autumn was in full force as half-bare trees stood like statues in the chilly air.  Every year yellow, red, and green leaves fall from their branches and leave only the trunk and its naked branches starkly exposed.  It's a pattern, a cycle.

As I look back on recent years, it seems this same process has taken place in my life each autumn since I started college.  Some years the shedding of leaves has seemed more manageable and bearable, and others it has felt the leaves were ruthlessly ripped from the branches to which they clung.

When the leaves hit the ground, standing up strong is the tree itself.  The trunk, the branches.  The framework on which all the rest of life hangs.  No matter what I have or don't have, God still stands.  He's constant, and He's strong.  I feel bare and confused now, but He's teaching me something. God is developing something in me so that when spring finally comes I will blossom and bear fruit, hopefully more than before.

Psalm 74:16-17 (Message) You own the day, you own the night; you put stars and sun in place. You laid out the four corners of earth, shaped the seasons of summer and winter.

A Future Filled with Hope

One month away from being a college graduate, I spent a great deal of time today applying to positions in the food industry.  It felt a little like going backwards.  At times I feel I'm forever stuck in "student-hood" and always transitioning from one thing to the next, each more temporary than meaningful.

Jeremiah 29:11-14 (CEB)
I know the plans I have in mind for you, declares the LORD; they are plans for peace, not disaster, to give you a future filled with hope. When you call me and come and pray to me, I will listen to you. When you search for me, yes, search for me with all your heart, you will find me. I will be present for you, declares the LORD, and I will end your captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have scattered you, and I will bring you home after your long exile, declares the LORD.

One Thing Remains

"Your love never fails; it never gives up; it never runs out on me."

Heart Song

"I understand better than anyone else the stresses and strains that have afflicted you.  You can ventilate safely to me, because talking with me tempers your thoughts and helps you see things from my perspective.

"Complaining to others is another matter altogether.  It opens the door to deadly self-pity and rage.  Whenever you are tempted to grumble, come to me and talk it out.  As you open up to me, I will put my thoughts in your mind and my song in your heart." - Jesus Calling, Sarah Young

If there are any two words to describe the last six weeks of my life, they are stress and strain.  Recent days have been full of angst over healing I didn't think was happening, progress I didn't think was taking place.  But I was voicing my complaints to myself or to those around me without a God-focus.

"As you open up to me, I will put my thoughts in your mind and my song in your heart."

Job 8:21 He will once again fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.

Today was a tear-free taste of greater things to come.  I still feel like I'm stranded deep in the woods, but my step is turning in the direction of a clearing.  There will (no doubt) still be frustrating days, but I'm resolved to wake up tomorrow morning and NOT say to myself, "Welp, EVERYTHING SUCKS!"  My heart will seek God's song, rather than drag along to my own un-danceable rhythm.

Sick Day

As much as I hated yesterday as it happened - an accumulation of two terrible nights' sleep, an achey body, plugged ears, and exhaustion which resulted in a very limited ability to focus on anything productive - it is probably exactly what I needed.

I have to praise God for it because it is what he provided me with, and I know that he did so with reason. 

I don't know if there is something going around or if my cold can be attributed to the several instances of stress I have experienced in the last month and a half, be them large, small, worthwhile, and not.  Whatever the cause, I got a cold that forced me to just sit around all day sleeping and taking it easy, and praying for myself and everyone else.  My body may be in the shop but my heart is still running, still connecting with God.  I'm thankful for that.