Wow, everyone, it has been a LONG time since I've even looked at my blog! I've been thinking about getting back into it, but for a while I've just felt like where the heck do I even start???
I've been learning a lot lately. Constantly. The most poignant thing I've recently learned (and am still working on in my daily life) is about listening. Simplifying. Partnering with God.
I felt confused by my emotions, pulled in many directions, unable to articulate what I wanted, and insecure. I came to God wanting to ask a list of questions, demand a list of responses, and end up with a list of issues fixed. But then I didn't know what to say. So I sat for a long moment and when my heart finally moved, it cried out to Him. Not really in despair, more in thirst. "What do you want to say to me, God? What am I doing? Who am I to you, Father?"
Faithfully and full of love, He answered."You are my daughter. You are created to be close to ME before anyone else. Seeking me first will equip you to fill all other roles. You don't need to even think about that right now. That will flow naturally as you are close to me. You will love by my leading and through my love, not by your own resources."
For a while now I've been trying to work through some insecurities that have been plaguing my mind and perception of myself. They often cause me to worry that I'm not doing the right thing, making the right choice, responding the right way. My heart in these situations is for the people who matter most in my life to feel how important they are to me, but I have been shrinking back in the assumption that my love isn't good enough for them. This conversation with God reminded me that I don't have to love by my own capabilities. In every moment, the most important thing is that I draw near to the Lord and out of that will come the fruits that will bless others. God's love never comes up short!
